Happy Birthday To Me!

So my birthday was April 10th. I haven’t seen my mother in 8 months due to my work situation, she told me she would be coming down for my birthday even though I told her I don’t think it would be a good time. But of course she forgot what I said, because remembering it would involve listening to me. 

She came down on Thursday, April 10th, my birthday, she had forgotten how I was unable to come out during the week, despite how we had a conversation about it. But fine, whatever, on Friday evening we made plans for Saturday, she would call me at 11 am and then we would meet by 1 pm to go get massages at a spa. I really wouldn’t have wanted that, but she likes to make plans that she thinks other people will enjoy. 

Around 12 pm, I was sitting at the Taxi spot, waiting for a ride to a place near her hotel. She called, complaining about how I did not call to wake her up, despite how she specifically said that she would call me. She then began blaming me for how she couldn’t wake up and get ready on her own. I would love to see how she performs at my job with that kind of attitude. Her cell phone or my cell phone kept dropping the call, I could hear her, but she couldn’t hear me at times. But a Taxi arrived and I was on my way to a point just across the street from her hotel. She ends up calling me, yelling at me about I should’ve woke her up, or how I should be coming to her spot, despite how I’m not allowed to by orders of my job. I ended up just hanging up on her after her berating me for just a bit too long, she should’ve known that I don’t react well to pressure. She called back twice after that, neither times I answered the phone. I got dropped off at the China Garden, I could see her hotel from where I was standing, and the whole time she was complaining to me about how she didn’t know where it was. I also told her the night before that the way we usually locate one another at my job is by what restaurant we’re at. There was an ihop right outside her hotel that she could’ve told me about. I was so angry that she couldn’t catch a hint, despite all the years she yelled at me for not picking up on her obscure hints. 

I was feeling an anxiety attack, standing in the parking lot, waiting for her, the first thing I wanted to do was to get out of there, so I began walking. First crossing the street, I was actually across the street from her hotel. I took a right to put the hotel behind me, trying to get away as fast as possible. My chest felt like it was collapsing. I saw a Texas Roadhouse chain restaurant on my left and remembered the time I had a birthday lunch there with a bunch of people for Kovachick’s birthday. It made me slightly sad that I wasted my day and ditched people to go attempt to see my mother. I kept walking, walking past a post office, thinking I would be safe there because I doubt she would be mailing anything in that town. I kept walking still, thinking I would walk all the way back to my room where I was staying, I was sweating just from walking, I didn’t mind, I just wanted to get away. I ended up finding a bench in the shade to sit down and take a seat. I ended up bursting into tears. I was crying for about an hour and half, two people came up to me during that time. One was an old woman, asking if I needed help or was just praying alone. I wasn’t praying, I don’t believe in a god but after she left, I looked to my right and saw a short iron cross, laughing to myself at how I must be near a church of some sort. A while later as I tried to regroup and do something that would make me happy. I started writing to a friend who didn’t respond to me, or they never got my response, but a man named Brian came out with two water bottles, handing me one. He shook my hand as he introduced himself, I didn’t give out my name for semi obvious reasons, I didn’t want there to be a record of me being there. He asked me if I was in college, I lied and said yes because again, I didn’t want him to know who I was. He took out a card and told me about religious Sunday school, I was trying to be nice and just giving very bare bone responses, I just wanted to cry alone in the shade while sitting down. He walked away shortly after, I got up quickly and kept walking. I passed by so many churches of different denominations, I didn’t believe in any of them. I was thinking that maybe I should call a taxi and go home, only 5$. But then I looked at the name of one of the churches. It was something alone the lines of “Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.” I was wondering if they could come up with a more generic name. When I walked by a Mcdonalds, I thought I had seen my mother in a red car, I immediately turned around and began walking in the opposite direction. So instead I just walked back towards Texas Roadhouse, worrying that I might see my mother, she was talking on Friday about how she had dinner at a terrible steak house. That sounded like Texas Roadhouse to me. But I was able to take a seat infront of the restaurant, worrying about if she would show up to see me. I called the taxi, asking for a pick up for 1, he never confirmed it, he just left the call running, I could hear the other cab drivers talking. I hung up and was about to begin walking, but before I knew it, the cab driver showed up, I sat in the front seat, happy because I didn’t have to look at anyone’s face. 

I got home, paying 5$ and walking to my room. When I sat down, I got a text message from my mother. “Want to get lunch?” I flipped out on her. I blew up, telling her about how I can’t be out late, how I can’t be at certain locations, about how I told her all the rules I’m supposed to follow and how I even told her not to come, but she ignored me anyway. I told her to stop wasting her money and to go back home. After sending that text, I turned off my phone, I haven’t turned it on since.

I might turn it on tomorrow to talk to my dad.

I’ve got Seoul

In about 2 months, I will be living in Seoul, South Korea. It’ll be like that movie lost in translation, but no romance interest, less luxury and not faking to be meaningful. Just a lot of loneliness.

Anonymous said: yo if you're thinking about growing facial hair in the future, deff do a light scruffy beard look, no mustache though, you'd rock that. ughhhhh it'd be so hot. But you're already hot hehe ;)

Haha thank you. I won’t have a beard for a while, possibly. I don’t know if I posted the picture already but I was growing a mustache for a month. It was so ugly. I loved it. But now I’m furless again as far as my face is concerned.

Anonymous said: I genuinely enjoy the way you write. Keep at it. :]

Gracias. I don’t really know what to say when I get compliments like that. I just kind of dislike blanket compliments like that because I’d like to know specifically what people like and dislike about me.

You can chase the past and what you’ve lost

But you’ll never catch anything.

Chilling out on a cold Texas night
I actually find corsets to be rather ugly. But this girl I kind of had a thing with sent me one and then out of nowhere she tells me that she doesn’t like sex. Which makes me wonder what she was getting out of it if she was constantly doing something she hated. Ugh.
I had a shaved head for a while, but it got better.
Training exercise
I never thought these guys would go on to be my closest friends for the past 4 months.
The last picture I took in my hometown of Chicago. August 19th, 2013
My last meal in Chicago. August 19th, 2013
Anonymous said: I think I prefer you with longer hair. Something to pull ;)

Well no one pulled it while I had it. Maybe because they were bent over, oops.